Sometime (recently most of the time) I think I have many unaccomplished things to do, my currently lifestyles and work is stopping me from doing all this so call things that I want to do. I feel that if I quit my jobs that secure my current living lifestyles, i will get the freedom that i always wanted. However i worry i can't survive 1 day outside without social security like monthly pay and place to stay. I must find myself a safety net that will catch me if i fail. after all is either i finally get the freedom or i get back to existing life that killing my creativity, which i really hate to come back for same thing that i don't like.
Corporate lifestyles really not suitable for me, ironically i have climbing corporate ladder for almost 20 years, but not very successful consider my current pay and my current position, :) but i will like to comfort myself that i am leaving this shit hole next year, i am leaving all this behind soon.
Still i still stucked here. I wished i have other alternative, i wish i had someone there to help me, but no, not 1 soul that wiling come to my rescue. i have to rescue myself, and after all, when i died, i will be alone, by myself. So i need to be strong and stay strong.
Sometime i ask myself, if i am not doing what i am doing today, what will I do? i have no idea, but i know i dont like all this, i just want to get away. I m just running away. you can say i am coward, running away from reality, a person that want to stay in her dreamland and doesnt want to wake up. So what after all may be all this while i m not successful is because i am not the most suitable job. When you ask a cat to do a dog job, it will definately fail, right?
I have about 6 mths to 1 year more to do the last fight, i really hope i can really get away this time. 1 year, after this i wont try anymore because i know i will be wasting my time to start all over again.
I have to go find my life mission while i am still young. I dont want to waste time in all this small matter anymore, may be i meant to do the big things, i restricted my life by just staying here.
I want to travel the world and see many things, exploring, adventure and learn many things.
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